And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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