Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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