So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
