worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
