it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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