So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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