i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
