dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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