I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
