It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
