I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
