Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
