let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
