I'm jealous of your bromance
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
