He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
