Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dick very happy bro
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
