Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
