She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
