i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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