she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
