I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
