After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
