She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
