My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
