im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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