so that wasnt chicken after all
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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