I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
