we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
