Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
