Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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