I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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