it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
