dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
