I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
