I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
