WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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