Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
