I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
