so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
