Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
