Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
