I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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