you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
