He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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