im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
