just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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