I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
