I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
