The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
