Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
