so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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