I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
