The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
