you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
